jsumc's Xanga

purpose

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 01:37:27 GMT

tonight at journey we talked about PSaul's conversion (thanks, tyler, for that crafty way of getting around the "what name do i use?" issue). lots of great discussion, but it left me with a few parting, interwoven, thoughts.
First, as 21st century Americans, we typically value Psaul for his contributions in building the church. a great contribution it is! he built what we now function from... i'm a psaul fan, so the following comments are in no way a slander to psaul's glorious work for God.
But God didn't love Paul because of what Paul did for God. God loved Paul because God is love. God loved Paul for the man he was and for the man he was to become.
In our task-driven, workaholic culture, i think we walk a dangerous line of valuing people because of what they can do for us. one of my professors often said we tend to make the people around us either scenery or machinery. we use them to make ourselves look better or to make us more functional. But God doesn't do that. He doesn't see his children only as a means to carrying out what is going on in his mind. He loves us for who we are before he loves us for what we can do.
i work at a place that does outsource recruiting and hiring. basically, we find good people for jobs. God does not work at RTi. God does not look through our resume of activity and decide which of my experiences will be most beneficial for the position he has open for changing the world. he doesn't see that i have a bit of church-work experience that would fit well for what he's looking for. God doesn't dig around and find something useful for him. as jim said, God was quite brilliant in having Paul as his man for forming the church. but i think it's bigger than that. God didn't see Paul as the perfect candidate. God created the perfect candidate in Paul.
which brings me to another thought... God loved paul because God created him. and (*important nugget of personal information: i do not typically veer closely to the edge of pre-destination. I believe God gave us the power to love him by giving us the gift of free will and choice. so what i'm about to say has large implications knowing where i began...)
when we consider the idea of "God's plan for your life" and "God's will" i think we often only think of our usefulness to God. where can i serve, what can i DO for God. we forget that God is creating us and renewing us to be his children. that his plan for us began long before we conceptualized His plan. if you were to ask Saul pre-damascus trip, i'm sure he would have told us that he was following God's will for his life. but after an encounter with jesus, that understanding of God's will changed. God's will didn't... Psaul's understanding of it did.

i'm sure there's more to this, but this is a good ending spot. perhaps more another time?

photos for steve

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 12:30:07 GMT

here are the lake picutres for steve and debbie to enjoy.

what a holiday weekend

Mon, 28 May 2007 20:51:38 GMT

being sick has a way of making you humble.
not just in the head-in-the-toilet-begging-for-mercy kind of humility. and not just in the humility that comes with lying on the bathroom floor. the real kind. the "don't think of yourselves more highly than you ought" Philippians kind of humility.
because when you're sick, you realize how much you don't matter to the large scheme of things. events that seemed as if they necessitated your presence go off seamlessly. parties that you would have enjoyed provide an equally high level of fun for those involved even without your being there to enjoy them. as the theme song of the wonder years puts it, "life goes on."
which, i believe, is exactly why people get sick.
still not connecting?
well, let's think about why someone gets sick. something (virus, bacteria, something) invades your body and some point in your body is too weak to defend itself, it can't keep up the defense. well, why was the body weak? it either has a natural affinity for being weak, or it was weakened by something else. overuse, stress, tiredness, whatever may have you. you do something to yourself that makes your body weak to disease.
and why do you do that body-weakening something to yourself? why is the overuse, stress, tiredness or whatever may have you part of your life?
i'm going to venture out and say it's because you're believing the lie that "you have to." you have to be this stressed, this tired, or things won't get done.
and so, when you're sick, and things still end up as they ought to be, it has a way of bringing you to your knees. and not just on the bathroom floor.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Thu, 24 May 2007 12:37:58 GMT

"Set yourselves apart for a holy life. Live a holy life, because I am GOD, your God." -Leviticus 20:7

Today was a triumphant day. I was reading this verse out of The Message (or, the Old-Guy-Trying-To-Sound-Cool-Person's-Bible, as some of my friends refer it) and the way Eugene put "live" in italics caught my eye. Hmmmm. So you know what i did? That's right. I went to the original Hebrew. 2 Points for Michele using her edumacation.
You know what i found? Eugene was right. It's not "be holy" (as i'm sure other scriptures are), but it's "live holy". My "above the line" translation was "and you will make yourselves holy... and you will live holy-ily because I am your God, Adonai."
So, this brings a little struggle... what's the difference from being holy and living holy? And, i just have to say it, there are a few connotations that comes with the "be holy" that i don't particularly love. In our most recent American context, it's had to do a lot more with what movies i watch and what products (that i would need to show ID for) that i consume. To me, there's got to be something more to holiness than that, though i think those things can/will/have lead to some disasterous consequences that God does not like. But if we limit holiness to what i consume or watch, than where is God in that? Any hoo-haa off the street can decide that they're going to stop smoking and watch only the crazy christian channel, but is that what composes faith?
I am a firm believer that faith means something. It is evidenced. If it had no implication for my life, then why bother? So i know that there are places in my life that when you stop and examine them, one should be able to say, "she's this way because of her faith in Jesus."
My question is this: what are those areas? Where are the places that are most critical that Jesus have an impact on?
Maybe it's the simplistic "all of them." Maybe i shouldn't want to throw one thing out to go after another, and instead i should just keep adding to the places that Jesus has ruined my life (in the good but hard way). Part of me wants to say "holiness isn't just this... that's not what faith means! because if it is, then we miss this whole other area over here..." but then i get to looking at the "over here" and forget that holiness affects areas much larger than just that. I'm trading one narrow view for another.
Why must we decide if it's personal holiness over social holiness? What i put in my mouth or what comes out of my heart? Maybe it's, as kristy says, "a little from column A and a little from column B."
Maybe that's why "live holy" grabbed me. It's not just a state of being, which in my paralyzing fear makes me not want to do anything because i might suddenly become unholy (in my mind i think of germaphobes who won't leave their house because they might get sick... but in staying couped up they expose themselves to their own germs and thus get sick on their own filth). Instead, it's approaching each area of life itself in a way that says, "God is Here." As I move about, as I live, there is a sense of God invading it. It's not just staying where it's safe, where i can keep my holiness. It's moving and living with a sense of God's presence- and because God is there, well, you'd better watch your step. You'd better not do what you know He doesn't like (in this chapter's example it's have sex with the wrong people, such as your mother, or a donkey).
3 cheers for a 3-year education having a little practical use.

learning to walk

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:17:36 GMT

"When you sacrifice a peace-offering to God, do it as you've been taught so it is acceptable. Eat it on the day you sacrifice it and the day following. Whatever is left until the third day is to be burned up. If it is eaten on the third day it is polluted meat and not acceptable. Whoever eats it will be held responsible because he has violated what is holy to God. That person will be cut off from his people...
"When you enter the land and plant any kind of fruit tree, don't eat its fruit for 3 years; consider it inedible. By the fourth year its fruit is holy, an offering of praise to God. Beginning in the fifth year you can eat its fruit; you'll have richer harvests this way. I am God, your God." (Leviticus 19:5-8, 23-25)

kristy planted a few strawberry plants (bushes? i keep calling them that and she yells at me. i'm not sure what they are or will be), and i'm extremely jealous. i wanted to plant a few in my new mini-garden, but jj won't let me. you can't eat the strawberries until at least the second year and he keeps talking like he wants a new project house (this one is running out of projects, believe it or not). i also do not know if i'd be able to not pick the almost-ripe looking berries of this year rather than toss them away as you're supposed to for a good strawberry tree-flower-bush-plant.
maybe that's why these particular laws in leviticus (in a whole string of interesting laws... expect more from this chapter!) jumped out at me. first God says you have to eat meat in 2 days (the only time you'd get meat is from offering), and then he says you have to wait basically 5 years for fruit after you plant it!
Why does God care when you eat something? i understand (a little bit) his whole section on what to eat, but when? Why would that matter?
my hebrew professor has been talking to us lately about OT Law; many Christians say "that's law, we're free in Christ, we have no need for law!"but he reminds us that while we're not constrained to the law, it is still scripture and therefore useful for teaching, rebuking, instructing, all that jazz that paul says in 2 Timothy (btw, when he said that, he was referring to the law and prophets! not to the letters he was currently writing... hmmm....). so i've been enjoying my quest through the OT looking for spiritual significance, bringing me closer to what Jesus was all about, since he was the fulfillment of this very law and not means to get rid of it. lecture over.
so what do meat days and berry years have to do with God?
i've been falling in love with Galatians 5 lately. the fruit of the spirit (huh! it all comes around to food!). i've been thinking about how i don't always live it. and that paul says you can't turn it on and off... you either operate by the spirit or by the flesh- the sinful nature- the part of you that only seeks to satisfy the self and not God or others.
I think that God gave His food-timing laws (eat meat in a hurry, wait on the berries) to help us. Think about it. There were no such things as refridgerators, or even ICE, back then. so, you eat some meat, leave it out for 48 hours and, in the middle of the desert they were wondering, i'm going to guess that the meat would have some friendly visitors, mainly in the form of maggots and bugs. probably not good for the system. but, i can imagine (though i only currently eat chickens), that when you only get meat once a year, having to throw any of it away would be quite difficult. i once read a book about at girl whose mom made her eat a ham even thought it was full of maggots because they had nothing else to eat.
what if God made a law of something because he knew our flesh couldn't resist it on our own? our tummies and our taste buds that make our mouths water over that ooey-gooey chocolate brownie are too much for us, so we need told that we're not allowed to eat such things when they can cause disease and we can die- and pass it around to the rest of our family and town.
and then there's the berries. wait 3 years? God, i might explode if i have to wait 3 years to enjoy the goodness of a strawberry. on my own accord, i can't resist. so, God made a law. don't eat it. why? because it will be a much better berry- and you'll have many more of them- if you wait a few more years. things will be better if you can hold out and enjoy them after they come to fruition (ah, another food word).
sounds kinda like another lecture i've heard (and given), about things in their proper time and context *ahem, sex.*
i'm starting to think that God really had it together when he gave us Leviticus. He knew what we just couldn't handle. He knows that on my own, i have zero self-control. so he made a rule. little kids have no natural volition to brush their teeth, so parents have to make a rule- brush before bed. someday they'll brush because they desire to give people around them the smell of fresh breath. and because they like to be able to chew. they won't do it because they have to, they'll do it because it is good.
i'm pretty sure it's biblical. Galatians 3:23-4:7.
so here's where i see beauty... the law leads us to the spirit. we don't know how to walk in the spirit, so we're directed to by the law. but it's not about the law. it's about living a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control. sometimes we just have to be told how to do that.

currently: in class

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:04:27 GMT

we're talking about sanctification and the like. it's actually holy spirit time but we're talking about the holy spirit's role in sanctification.

here's my thought that i had to get out.

perfection. wesley thinks we can somewhat attain it through the holy spirit here on this earth. i can get behind the fact that God's work in our life changes us, but perfection? .... but my professor made mention that maybe by saying we are able to achieve some sort of spiritual perfection on this earth we sell short what perfection really is.

my typical "wow" thought of heaven is the fact that you cannot sin. not just won't. can't. (this is why i'd veer to say that we can't achieve perfection on earth: we'll always be able to sin on earth). the temptation of a 1000 gooey brownies will not be able to sway me to gluttony or even just eating one extra.
why? that's the part i had never thought about before. why will we be perfect?
but we have tasted God's goodness in its full glory. an ooey-gooey chocolate brownie can't hold a candle to the milk and honey God's presence has to offer.

and here's the more... in heaven, perfection is so much more than being able to resist a brownie. because, let's face it: with a lot of will power (and maybe a bribe or a bet), i could resist eating brownies. i could give them up forever (i can do a lot just to prove a point). there's no need for holy spirit, God's presence, there. but the perfection that we catch a glimpse of in Revelation... wow. it's not the ability to resist sin. it's the complete absence of sin. heck, i bet we won't even miss it.

quarintine

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 12:30:49 GMT

"Any person with a serious skin disease must wear torn clothes, leave his hair loose and unbrushed, cover his upper lip, and cry out, 'Unclean! Unclean!' As long as anyone has the sores, that one continues to be ritually unclean. That person must live alone; he or she must live outside the camp." -Leviticus 13:45-46

It's the day we've all been waiting for in the journey through Leviticus. Skin Disease Day. Any type of abnormal skin function needed to be cleared through the priest. They would send people home, unclean, until they went 14 days without it changing or until it cleared up. Then they could be among the people again. This passage dealt with welts, sores, burns, scars, even hair loss. Everything had to be checked by the priest. Kinda like the nurse and lice check days at school.
My thought was, "come on, God... why care?" But in reality this was a big deal to the people. We aren't to the point of modern medicine and slight infections and diseases were able to wipe out entire people groups. God wanted his people group to continue on through the ages. So to God it was better for one man to be alone with his disease than for the whole group to catch it and die.
It made me think about leprosy and how Jesus interacted with these people on a regular basis. He healed them. Hands and feet began to function again; skin becomes clean. These people are finally allowed to be part of the human race again, functioning as one of God's children.
The book i am currently reading (that is ruining my life) speaks of his time with a leper community in india. He says: "I learned from the lepers that leprosy is a disease of numbness. The contagion numbs the skin, and the nerves can no longer feel as the body wastes away. In fact, the way it was detected was by rubbing a feather across the skin, and if the person could not feel it, they were diagnosed with the illness. to treat it, we would dig out or dissect the scarred tissue until the person could feel again."
He follows it up with this: "As I left Calcutta, it occurred to me that I was returning to a land of lepers, a land of people who had forgotten how to feel, to laugh, to cry, a land haunted by numbness." (yes, he was referring to the US).
What happens when we let our numbness become contagious to those around us? It spreads and then eventually kills an entire people group. Can we say AIDS crisis in south africa? war in darfur? iraqi civilians? people in poverty dying of curable diseases who simply lack access to basic health care or simply clean water?

I'm prone to wonder how many people tried to fake the feather test. you know, make it seem like they were able to feel so that they wouldn't be banished as a leper. Try to save themselves at the risk of their entire community. And how often do we do that? Fake it till you make it. At least seem to care; put out enough compassion that you're not seen as heartless. We don't want to spend that time alone with the reality of our heart condition, doing the hard work of digging out our numbness so that we might become whole. Instead we just let it fester, infiltrating the rest of us until to goes from our pinky finger to our heart. Pretty soon we have a leper colony where numbness is the norm. Anyone who has feeling is branded as strange and those who are trying to preserve feeling are living in "alternative communities" fighting actively against the apathy.
I told you.... this book is ruining my life.

playing with fire

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 12:57:19 GMT

"Distinguish between the holy and the common, between the ritually clean and unclean." -Lev. 10:10(ish)

Right after God shows his glory to all the people and they're awed, we go to the story of Nadab and Abihu. These are the sons of Aaron (as in high priest, in charge of sacrificing the offerings of all the people Aaron). These are the guys that after Aaron is done and dies, they will take over the role as Priest. And they decide to play around with the fire inside God's Tent of Meeting. The took their censors and put hot coals and incense in them and made "strange fire" (as Eugene puts it). Immediately God sends down fire from heaven and they drop dead.
Moses tries to explain to Aaron that that's what happens with you play with God's fire.
Then God does something not so common to the reading thus far: He talks with Aaron directly. He says (10:8) "When you enter the Tent of Meeting, don't drink wine or strong drink, neither you nor your sons, lest you die. This is a fixed rule down through the generations. Distinguish between the holy and the common, between the ritually clean and unclean. Teach the People of Israel all the decrees that God has spoken to them through Moses."
Now, we could use this passage to teach us several things. 1) Don't go to church drunk. 2) Parenting lessons (There has to be some sort of message about how Aaron was letting his kids run rampant in the Tent). But i think i see a bigger message here in God's words to Aaron: distinguish between the holy and the common.
The boys were playing around- pretty common. But it wasn't a place or a time for the common. It was a place and a time for the Holy. I don't think God struck a few boys dead to the ground because he likes to be mean... i think he did it because something was at stake here. If he allowed anyone- priests, at that- to use his holiness as a means for common entertainment, then what would that turn Him into? How would that affect the ideas of worship? How would he be different- set apart, holy- from the other gods in the world?

I think i see a good challenge for the church today... what does it mean for us to distinguish between the holy and the common? What does that do for our view of God? Why would God want us to do this? What happens when we put God among the common rather than the Holy?
I was reading Doug Paggit (Pagitt?)'s book about their church. He talked about how they looked for sacred things to happen in an ordinary place and time during their church services rather than ordinary things happening in a sacred place and time. I think that's a good question for us. What should be Holy? What is common?
I'm prone to think of the Mount of Transfiguration... the way Peter just wanted to stay atop the mountain. He wanted the place and time to become Holy, but he missed that it was the Presence of the Holy that made it holy.
And then there is the command to Moses himself... "take off your shoes for this is Holy ground." what made it holy? God's presence.
But God is everywhere... so is everything Holy? Then wouldn't that make it common?
And now we're back to the start. What do you think?

blazing glory

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 13:32:08 GMT

"Moses and Aaron entered the tent of meeting. When they came out they blessed the people and the Glory of God appeared to all the people. Fire blazed out from God and consumed the Whole-Burnt-Offering and the fat pieces on the Altar. When all the people saw it happen they cheered loudly and then fell down, bowing in reverence." (Lev. 9:23ish-24)
today in my reading Aaron and his sons were consecrated, made ready to do the holy work of offering sacrifices for the people. Moses calls everyone together, dresses aaron in his priestly garb, and then does some offering on their behalf. They have to sit and wait 7 days without leaving the tabernacle. i wonder what they did for 7 days... probably a lot of trivial pursuit. then the 7 days were up and the heading above chap 9 (thanks, eugene) says "the priests go to work." and here we have the story of their first sacrifices for the people. exciting stuff. i mean, imagine being one of aaron's sons and all through the book of exodus and leviticus where the tabernacle is being built, people are bringing in purple cloth all so that you can get gussied up and offer sacrifices. i can just imagine the fittings, trying to get the ephod to fit just right. and so finally dress rehersal is over and it's time to do your thing. they go through all the ritual that God commanded Moses. then Aaron and Moses go into the Tent to meet with God. It's like getting your review- making sure you're doing it right, up to snuff before you're just released out on your own.
And then when Moses and Aaron come out, God shows his approval by coming down in blazing Glory. can you even imagine standing around, waiting for the first offering to be given and God swoops down in a blaze of fire? to be a fly on that curtain...
and here's an interesting thing... all of this ties into the idea of the Festival of Pentecost, one of 3 major Jewish celebrations in their calendar. they would come in and wave the first of the grain harvest, after a really great season of barley. it was a celebration of what God had done (with the barley) and celebration of what God continues to do (with the wheat). somehow this festival became connected to celebrating God's giving of the Torah and through tradition Jewish children either start their Hebrew education or get "confirmed" on Pentecost or Shavout, as it's really called (Pentecost is greek- "count 50"). it's a celebration of God's Word being sweeter than honey (they even candy-coat letters of the hebrew alphabet- re: Psalm 119:103).
Which brings me to the upcoming Christian celebration of Pentecost. I find it interesting that the Jewish people were already gathered for one of their 3 big holidays when the Holy Spirit just erupted on the place, descending like *gasp* a blaze upon the people. They're celebrating what the Lord has done (Christian terms: Jesus rose from the dead) and what He will continue to do (Christian terms: through us, where the Holy Spirit now lives).
Yesterday in church (my first dose) we read the John version of the ascension. It struck me: "and the disciples returned back to their homes. Mary stood weeping..." Everyone was so stunned by what had happened that they didn't know what to do. The men went back to what they knew: work. Mary stood around and wailed, immobilized by grief. But Jesus tells them, "don't hold on to me, for i have not yet returned to the Father. go and tell the others."
And then, only 50 days later, God shows up again, this time to give them the power they need to move forward. Get over yourselves, he says (well, that's a Michele paraphrase) and live out My Life. I rose from the dead to live... in You. Through you.
"The Priests go to Work."
"and the disciples returned to their homes"
I had a deep fear yesterday when i read the passage in John... what happens if we do that. We know that the grave is empty, but we just return to our homes. What happens if we just celebrate, woo hoo, up from the grave he arose (he arose)... aaaaand back to work.
we can't. can't let that happen. we can't be so consumed with ourselves that all we can do is go home or sit there and cry. we have seen a risen savior. now we must allow him to live a risen life in us.

does your purse match your shoes?

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 12:31:28 GMT

"If anyone sins by breaking any of the commandments of GOD which must not be broken, but without being aware of it at the time, the moment he does realize his guilt he is held responsible. He is to bring to the priest a ram without any defect, assessed at the value of the Compensation-Offering. Thus the priest will make atonement for him for his error that he was unaware of and he's forgiven. It is a Compensation-Offering; he was surely guilty before God." (Leviticus 5:17-19)
Last week i spent some time reading about how Moses built the tabernacle. Did you know that they used a 75-pound brick of gold just for the Lampstand & it's accessories? 75 pounds! That's a small child! In gold! For a lamp. You'd think that God, being light and all, wouldn't need a lamp...
so i was thinking about it and considering the tabernacle... why all the expense? Fine linens, gold, bronze. Good stuff. But why? On the one hand, God doesn't need any of it. What's he going to buy with 75 pounds of gold that he can't just create on the spot? I mean, He made that gold. But as you read through the end of Exodus it is quite clear that God is demanding the best of the best. Intricate detail.
Then today we began Leviticus. Oh, what a read. I went through 5 chapters of offerings, all quite detailed. Even if the proceedure is the same for offering a lamb vs. offering a goat (of which it seems you may get to choose), God is very clear and outlines the entire process for both.
But my question is: Why? Why does God want a dead animal for our sin? This moming's reading was mostly about unpurposeful sin. Like, whoops, accidently touched a dead animal. So God asks that you bring down a ram or a lamb to be forgiven.
But why?
Some would say the deeper theological issue is "God demands blood for sin... death for sin." Okay. But why? I'll play devil's advocate and say that's not the deeper theological issue: that's the surface. I don't think that helps us understand God's character; He's in the business of bringing life, not death. So why the dead animal?
I think sin costs us something. It hurts us in ways that sometimes we don't even know it. it's kinda like a nawing (knawing?) pain in your chest that you think is acid reflux but is actually some sort of cancer. you have no idea how deadly it is because you evaluate the symptom rather than the disease. I think God demands something for forgiveness so we know the cost of sin.
Once again, God demands the best for his Tabernacle. Not just a ram, but an umblemished one. The good stuff. Something that will cost you.
Which brings us to this coming Sunday. The ultimate sacrifice. But this time it didn't cost us, it cost God. Why? I mean Jesus was much more than a ram, but when you think about what it cost me, personally, it was next to nothing. I didn't loose a son or tomorrow night's dinner. Why would God's ultimate source of forgiveness not cost me a thing? What does that say about God's character?
Maybe it says a lot... Maybe the price of sin was becoming so great that i could never possibly repay. I could have a whole flock of ewe lambs and, maybe, i developed an attitude of "well, that's okay, i've got enough lambs to offer a sacrifice and keep me clean" so i continue on. i keep killing myself with the cancer of sin because i think i have enough Zantac to make me feel better.
And maybe once i realize that i need something, someone more than my own means for forgiveness, i'll understand what it's about. though it costs me something for forgiveness in plan A, i can continue on my way thinking i can provide for myself. but forgiveness in plan B (which was not actually a plan B, but you know what i mean) requires me to depend on something outside myself.
i don't know. what do you think?